Parenthood Unfiltered: When it’s assumed you won’t return

As I sat in my doctor's office, I was shocked to hear her say that it would be difficult for my husband and me to conceive. We had not had anyone in our families have a hard time conceiving. No one ever believed it would happen to them, and I was already starting to feel discouraged.  We didn’t plan on getting pregnant for a while but figured it wouldn’t hurt to start trying- Little did I know that I got pregnant almost immediately. I couldn't believe it! I was thrilled and nervous all at the same time.

At the time, I was working at a Christian University Business school. I had only been in my dream job for a year, and I loved everything about it. But as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I was terrified to tell my boss. In my interview, he even asked me when I was planning on having a baby, and I told him that it wouldn't be for a few years. I worried he would be disappointed and think less of me for getting pregnant so soon.

Finally, at 14 weeks, I knew I had to tell him. I was so nervous that I went to the Dean of the Business School first to ask for advice. Then, I spoke to HR. Thankfully, when I told my boss, he was very happy for me. However, he did mention that they would need to look for my replacement. This made me uneasy, as I wasn't planning on leaving my job anytime soon. Whenever I told someone at the university that I was pregnant, they would all say, "Good luck finding your replacement."

Despite the initial anxiety, my pregnancy went very well, unlike my subsequent pregnancies, which were marked by Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG). However, my labor started three weeks earlier than expected, and I had only trained my temp for one day. All of the other directors were across the country, and I was the one expected to keep the center running while they were away. It was a lot of pressure, and I felt like I was letting everyone down. It didn't help that the temp was an 18-year-old who had just started college and had no idea what she was doing.

Unfortunately, my birth experience was traumatic, and both myself and my baby ended up in respective ICUs for a week. During that week, I received calls every day from the temp, directors, and support staff asking questions and expecting me not only to respond but respond quickly, or they would get upset. It was overwhelming, and I felt like I couldn't even focus on my recovery and my baby's health.

To make matters worse, the HR department "accidentally" terminated me instead of putting me on maternity leave. When I asked about it, they said, "We rarely have women have babies and come back after FMLA." I couldn't believe it. I felt like my employer didn't care about me or my family.

This position didn't pay well, and my husband was a master's student at the time. We were young and naive and didn't realize that maternity leave wasn't paid. My husband had to not only work on his thesis all summer but work 2-3 jobs to help pay rent and food until I could return 12 weeks later.

The lack of support from my employment and the stress of our financial situation weighed heavily on our minds. I returned two weeks earlier than expected to help stop the phone calls and receive paychecks sooner. Looking back, I don't remember those first months of my son's life like I should. I remember the stress of the physical aspect of a traumatic birth, but more than that, I remember the lack of support and financial struggles.

If I could go back and do it all over again, I would ask for more support from my employer and seek out resources to help us during this difficult time. I hope my experience can help other women who may be going through similar situations.